On the Third Day of Blogmas: Where Are You Christmas?

I hate to say it, but I’m not feeling the Christmas spirit this year. Jaded adults like to say that this is simply a symptom of adulthood: the holidays lose their magic. But I don’t buy into that belief. I don’t think Christmas has lost its magic. And I don’t think I’ve lost my magic, either.

What I mean to say is that a lot of us feel emotionally dysregulated right now. Burdened by the growing problems within our country. Saddled by debt. Paranoid of what we read and see on social media. I mean, I don’t need to tell you any of this. You know this. Which is why you might be feeling glum, too.

My friends, my coworkers, and my family share some of my holiday weariness. I can’t help but feel like I am going through the motions of the Christmas season, but not really feeling its charm wash over me. I watched Miracle on 34th Street and hung up all the precious ornaments. So why do I feel like Cindy Lou Who singing: where are you Christmas, why can’t I find you?

It doesn’t help that Manhattan’s bustling tourism is breaking records, either. A few weeks ago, my brother and I attempted to visit Bryant Park’s Winter Village. This holiday market has always been busy, but I’ve never seen crowds like this year’s tourism. It was un-walkable and un-shoppable. They’re calling it “intense congestion surpassing even pre-pandemic level crowds.”

And yes, Rockefeller Center was the same way. The tree was as beautiful as ever, but there were so many people shoving us that my brother finally turned to me and said, “Hey, do you want to go home and play Mario Kart now?” 

In 2020, I remember staring up at the tree in Rockefeller, crying. I was wearing a mask. There were only a few stragglers with me, but we all looked up at the tree wondering the same thing: will the world ever go back to normal?

That memory, which is a sad, blurry haze, reminds me that this feeling is temporary. Last year, I had an “off” Thanksgiving. The year before that, I was too sick to go out on Halloween. I guess I was due for a sucky Christmas. Apparently, this is my way of giving back to the Universe and upholding karmic balance.

It’s ten days until Christmas. Maybe reuniting with friends and family will be just what I need — maybe that’s the case for you, too. It’s important to tell people that we love them. That we cherish the banana bread loaves they bring into the office. That we admire how they restock the toothpaste in the bathroom cabinet when it’s running low. Whoever or whatever it may be. How they always manage to text you at the most inconvenient time. Or how they put their cold feet on you right as you’re falling asleep. I may or may not be speaking from personal experience on these points…

Hoping Some Christmas Spirit Will Find Me,

That Blogmas Girl